My life tells me she wants me, each day, to bring her fresh flowers plucked from my
throat. I’m beginning to give myself this gift of decision – the year shall be one
of rescue. My body was built for love, the spring sun tips its cup into my mouth.
Now in Lahore, my body a conduit for grace, I remain haunted by other cities.
The ghosts are me, the ghosts are me but not now. I live distributed in memory
in moment. The words I carry across the river mistake me for an old friend
vivifying me. My suns are crossed. It took me a year to forget London
by heart – now I am convinced London only lives when I am there to see it.
I have trouble holding things these days; the glass of the broken pepper mill sliced
clean through several layers of skin so that my thumb now opens like a book.
So steady the hand that carries the blade that carries the sentence forged
in the jaws of silence. I drive everyday now, consenting to this union with machine
as I lower myself onto the city’s legs. At night, I carry my grief lovingly to our bed.
Long ago, this city will have sucked me dry. I still sweat as if embraced by Karachi
but always I am embraced by what I see as Karachi in Karachi.
Fearing the day there’ll be nothing to drink but saltwater and music,
my lips crack and split open over whispers of old prayers.
So settled, sorrow’s most jagged tooth in the borrowed shoulder of song.
The year is a year of rescue. It is spring and not yet spring – I have waited. Flat
like layers of tyre on the road, I am levelled by the city’s presumption of my survival.
Ibrahim Tanweer is a writer and educator. Originally from Multan, he is currently based in Lahore where he resides with his partner and cat.